Dating relationships can change quickly from the honeymoon phase to an unhealthy mess. Sometimes it’s because years have gone by and the efforts aren’t the same. Other times it’s because one or both of the people involved in the relationship are unhealthy as individuals and, therefore, can’t come together to form a successful relationship.
The first step in repairing brokenness is to identify that the relationship is, in fact, broken. Some can be mended while others should part ways.
Dr. Phil McGraw said, “It’s better to be healthy alone than sick with someone else.”
Here are 8 signs you are in an unhealthy dating relationship:
1. You’re always on and off again.
You know that couple. The one whose relationship status is always “complicated.” If you can’t figure out how to work through conflict and stay together, this is a red flag for disaster.
2. One cares more than the other.
It always pains me to see a couple when it’s obvious one is way more into the other. Love and commitment must be equally given. Sure, there will be times when you don’t like each other, but when things are good, both should be on the same page.
3. Selfishness leads the way.
Selfishness is a huge killer of relationships. Leading with selfishness over love is common in unhealthy relationships. Putting one another first is difficult but will help you to find common ground.
4. You bring out the worst in each other.
We all have a good and bad side. When our bad side starts to take over and we lose who we are, it’s time for some much-needed inner reflection or a break-up.
5. The motives for staying together do not include love and commitment.
Motives vary from couple to couple. The only ones that matter are love and commitment. Motives like “security,” “money,” or “fear” are reason enough to move on.
6. Consistent conflict.
Motivational speaker, author, and life coach, Tony Gaskins Jr. said it perfectly: “If it’s not worth breaking up over, then it’s not worth arguing over. If you’re arguing every other day, you’re not in a relationship, you’re on a debate team. Not every concern needs to be an issue. Let the insignificant things stay that way.”
7. You are trying to change each other in order for it to “work.”
We all think we can “train” our significant other to be our ideal companion. While most quickly realize this isn’t the case and choose to love their partner despite his/her flaws, others continually work hard to change their relationship in order for it to work. But this quote says it best: “See it for what it is, not what you want it to be.”
8. All passion and no trust.
If your relationship consists of high passion or physical connection but lacks trust, you’re building your relationship on a foundation that will eventually collapse. The passion will fizzle and the physical connection won’t always last. Love and trust should be the focus.
You owe it to yourself to be in a healthy dating relationship. If you are not, take the right steps to get healthy or get out!